Dynamics of communication

Research shows that generally women use 20 000 communication bits a day and men 7 000.

So the clear winner is... women!

Imagine the following: Mr and Mrs B both work. Both use about 7 000 words at work each day. When they get home Mr B has five words left and Mrs B has 13 000 to go. 

Mr B’s key to sanity is to encourage Mrs B to talk and talk. Mrs B – use up those words. Mr B, listen carefully because those last five grunts you have left need to be well timed.

Men actually just want peace and quiet when they get home. A woman wants to share all that has happened. 

The man hears problems that need solving, so his mind goes into action and he feels anxious that he will not provide the right solutions. 

He offers some solutions.  Oops. She wasn’t looking for answers. She was just thinking aloud and you spoilt it.

A wiser man might resort to silence. The women in turn may feel that there is something wrong and start badgering the man with questions. 

Women: understand that when a man’s words are all used up, he is not angry or sulking. He just wants quiet. Men, listen like statues!

So when he is listening to do not expect the same responses you would get from another woman.

(Summarised from Why men don’t listen and Women can’t read maps, by Allan and Barbara Pease)

Men: when a woman wants to talk, let her. Wait to be asked for a solution. Otherwise assume it is all just information and how she bonds.  Pay attention, nod or grunt and be compassionate.

Obviously we generalise and exaggerate but take a moment to see if there is a sliver of truth behind the jest.

*Mariane Vorster is a life and business coach. Her passion and focus is on providing strategic leadership development, concentrating on the transfer of skills and knowledge. If you would like to find out more about the dynamics of communication in your organisation, please click here.