Would you alter who you are in any way to save your relationship?
“I was so fat, I had to shape up or risk losing Tana." - Gordon Ramsay.
Listen: On Damon Beard's Big Debate: Gordon Ramsey lost 20kgs for his wife after she threatened to leave him. Would you do the same for your partner?
It's not uncommon when you're in a long-term relationship to find yourself altering little things about yourself in aid of bettering the relationship. An issue can arise and you have to quite literally shape up or ship out.
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When relationships go wrong, we all have those well-meaning friends or family who say “don’t change who you are for someone else.” It can be an important message and one that most of us need to hear at some point in our lives.
Our natural insecurities can make us feel that we are unworthy of love, and if we can only change ourselves to be more beautiful, more interesting, more... something, we’ll finally find the relationships we want or the person we’re with will love us more.
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One person who did change his lifestyle for the sake of his marriage is Gordon Ramsay. He lost 50 pounds (22 kgs) to save his marriage to wife Tana, who was not impressed with the way he was shaping out physically. This prompted him to get super-fit at a time in his life when he was consumed by his work.
Sometimes changing your lifestyle can be beneficial to you, especially in terms of maintaining good health, but it can also be the complete opposite. When someone tells you to change the way you dress, change your hairstyle, stop playing sport – that then becomes a form of control.
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If you want to change, change because you want to, because you feel like you need to, because it’s going to make your life better.
However, if you change for someone else, it’s only a matter of time before the real you creeps back in and you may find yourself being resentful towards the other person.
Would you or have you ever changed something about yourself to please another person?
If you have, let me know what happened and how it turned out. Was it a positive or negative time in your life?