Submarining: The dating trend you didn’t know about
You thought you got ghosted? Nope - it’s called submarining and it’s even worse.
Alright, let’s talk about modern dating.
It’s that wild, chaotic place where good mornings turn into ghosting faster than you can say “Was it something I said?”
By now, most of us know about ghosting: when someone you’re seeing suddenly vanishes like their phone got swallowed by the Bermuda Triangle.
No warning, no explanation. Just poof!
Well - meet its equally annoying cousin, submarining. If you think you haven’t experienced it, chances are you probably have.
You just didn’t know what to call it.
So, what exactly is submarining?
Submarining is when someone disappears for weeks, months, or even years.
Then they randomly pop back up in your life like “Hey stranger, how you been?” - as if they didn’t vanish off the face of the Earth without so much as a “BRB.”
It’s like if your ex slid into your DMs six months after ignoring your texts, acting like you’ve both just been super busy.
Why do people do this?
Well, according to relationship experts (and honestly, common sense), it’s usually not because they’ve suddenly realised you’re their soulmate.
More often than not, it’s boredom, loneliness, or a need for validation.
Maybe their situationship ended, or maybe they just need someone to remind them they’re still desirable.
As certified sex coach Gigi Engle puts it, “It’s unlikely they actually care about you. They probably just want someone to make them feel good about themselves.”
The psychology behind it
Dr. Wendy Walsh, a relationship expert with a PhD in Clinical Psychology, says that this behaviour often comes from a fear of vulnerability.
Submariners crave intimacy but aren’t brave enough to handle the emotions that come with it.
So, they keep a few “backup options” on standby (like emotional emergency snacks) to reach out to when they’re lonely.
ALSO READ: Could AI be your next therapist?
What should you do when Captain Breadcrumb resurfaces?
When someone starves you of genuine connection and then tosses you a “Hey stranger” months later, the correct response is to show them the door.
It’s not your job to teach adults how to communicate. You deserve people who show up, not those who dip out and return only when it suits them.
If someone’s really into you, they don’t vanish like Houdini mid-conversation. If they do, that’s not your person.
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