8 tips to surviving family functions
We all look forward to family functions, the food, the music and relatives you have not seen in a while, but there is always that one person who makes some moments awkward.
Here is my advice on how to survive family functions:
Identify your buddy:
Contact your favourite family member beforehand and set up your strategies. What's the signal for HELP to exit an awkward conversation. What are your go to subjects to avoid Race, Religion and Politics conversations. Adele's new album is a good one or should there really be a market for gravy for dog pellets should keep you going for a while.
Prepare party games:
You'll be amazed how time flies by and inconvenient quagmires can be avoided if you keep everyone occupied. 30 seconds, charades or even PlayStation karaoke could save your life.
Don't be scared to use the kids:
Timmy has a tummy ache is a great early exit strategy which kills two birds with one stone. It gets you away and it shows of your awesome parenting priorities. I left Lucy's ADHD pills at home is also great for emergencies.
Get busy:
If you're not lucky enough to have a job that could require you to work during holidays - there is nothing stopping you from volunteering to do charity work on the day. Again this is good for karma and nobody is brave enough to publicly begrudge your charitable spirit.
Reward yourself:
Mentally tell yourself that you will later reward yourself with one of your pleasures if you can just get through this moment or that moment without losing your cool. Last year I rewarded myself with 2 seasons of "House of Cards" 3 slices of cheesecake 4 chocolate brownies and a 5 hours of "Gears of War."
Divide on conquer:
Family functions are pretty much thrust on you and are non-negotiable so for me the gloves are off. There is nothing stopping you from pitting two members against each other. You can say to one that you heard another say that the 1968 Ford Mustang is the most overrated muscle car ever.
Know your enemy:
If it's the aunt that drinks too much tell her you think the gin/vodka/brandy is almost finished and she should go get some before its all gone. Same with the gluttonous Uncle. Find their Achilles heel and work it.
Time is relative:
It's a proven fact! Time slows down when you're with your relatives so stop looking at your watch because what feels like hours will only be a few minutes.