Thousands treated as endless party continues

Please note: This story is NOT TRUE and written purely for the purposes of humour. Any similarity to other incidents is coincidental. 

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In December last year, approximately R68-million worth of cocaine washed up on beaches between Hartenbos and Klein Brak River on the Garden route in South Africa, with police suspecting a lot more was discovered, but not handed in.

Corporal lieutenant captain sergeant major warrant officer Mossie Spuurman said he did not mind the odd party over the festive season, but that the line had to be drawn somewhere.

Spuurman is the acting head of the acting head of the acting head of the acting head of the South African Police Services in Mossel Bay.

One of the residents, 28-year-old local Dream Catcher Executive, Jordan Brightman, said he was still partying and did not know when the New Year’s party was going to end.

Speaking from his hospital bed last night, Brightman asked if Fatboy Slim had arrived yet, as he had received a message from him in the clouds.

Brightman was heavily tranquilised minutes later.

According to his mother, Margaret, Brightman’s dream catching business was on the rocks.

Health officials reported more than 2000 people had been treated for dehydration in September alone.

“They leave but they keep coming back, and we are forced to treat them,” said Sister Stephanie Vos from the Mossel Bay Hospital.

Citing research as the reason, Vos admitted she had tried some of the loot, and that it wasn’t the best quality.

“In my opinion, I don’t even think it is cocaine,” she said.

Spuurman said his officers were monitoring the situation closely and would not hesitate to reduce the beats per minute in an effort to bring the revelers back into society.

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