Extravagant children's parties

My friend G has two children and one of them had gone to a classmate’s birthday party last week only to come back with a Build-A-Bear that was worth R250.

 

The thing is, the younger child now threw a fit and screamed and ripped her eyes out because she hadn’t got one, and so G had to go out and buy one of those bears to keep the peace. 

 

But that’s not even where I take umbrage. This party had 20 kids attending, which means the parent forked out a cool R5000 on just the bears for each child to take home.

 

I mean what kind of mindset does this create and what kind of message does this send to the other kinds who really should have been attending the party to celebrate their friend’s birthday, and not go with the expectation of a gift?

 

Whatever happened to being satisfied going home with a giant balloon?

 

The fact of the matter is that my friend’s five-year-old kid said that she wants to have her party at the same place but rattled off about all the different things her friends would take home. So the expectation was set with no regard for the financial consequence. You can’t expect a five-year-old to understand this, can you?

 

For me this is a huge issue. For one it creates this unhealthy competition. Not only are parents trying to one up each other, but kids are disappointed if their parties are not as big and elaborate as their friend’s.

 

So if little Stacey had a jumping castle, then Jane has to have a rollercoaster... And so on... And that’s just the party. In the past, we used to take a gift for the birthday child – some or other toy – and kids were happy with that. 

 

Now holding these parties has devolved into an eventing mentality. So much like one would go to an event and expect a goodie bag, kids are going to parties JUST for their goodie bag. And they’re curious about what’s going to be in the bag and what presents THEY are going to get. 

 

Another friend’s child went to a pamper party where 20 kids were invited and they all went home with giant bags of sweets, like it was Christmas or something, and an expensive winter night gown with their names embossed on it. Come on, is this really necessary spending? And what happens to the kid that can’t afford this kind of luxury but doesn’t want to look bad in front of her friends for having just an ordinary ice-cream party? 

 

I think we’ve become massively materialistic. We determine our value by what we can buy and the quality is not about the time or the experience, but what gift WE walk away with. And kids are young as four years old are learning from their parents that this is acceptable behaviour. 

 

What they are taking away is that the kinds of friendships that you need to value are the kinds out of which you can get something. And this hits only a material spot. We are not teaching kids that friendships can also be valued for emotional and spiritual connections – that spending quality time with their friends rather than waiting for the goodie bag at the birthday party is very important. 

 

For children, quality time is playing. What happened to taking kids out to a park for a picnic? Playing yard games with simple treats as prizes? Now it’s theme parks and bowling alleys and shopping malls. 

 

And what bothers me is: where to from here? Where does this all end? 

 

Already I’ve heard of 16-year-old girls wanting plastic surgery as a present for their birthday – breast implants, nose jobs... I know of people who have started saving for their kid’s 16th and 21st birthday parties, like they would for an education policy. It’s crazy. 

 

The fact is it goes far beyond, to the kind of things that kids want to emulate... My Super Sweet 16 on MTV... And the kind of extravagance they want for their own lives. What do they do when they’re out in the real world and don’t have access to this kind of reckless spending? 

 

And it all starts with that fourth birthday party where guests take away extravagant gifts. It’s time we reflect on the kind of future we envision for our kids and ask ourselves:

 

Do we want to raise a generation that has no idea of the value of money?    

 

We asked you if children's birthday parties are getting more and more lavish and out of hand? 

 

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-Terence Pillay