Have a cheating problem? Here is how to get help

Have a cheating problem? Here is how to get help

Marriage counsellors Lady Gao and Thatayaone Seleka share advice on how you can become a faithful partner and stop cheating.

Cheating/ iStock

Cheating sucks big time!

According to the infidelity statistics, about 40% of unmarried relationships and 25% of marriages see at least one incident of infidelity.

Cheating is the reason that many relationships come to an end. It is also a cause for many broken homes.

Not only does cheating hurt your partner, but it can also have devastating effects on you, especially if you want to stop, but find yourself cheating again.

The good news is that cheating can be stopped. Here are things that you can do to help you stop cheating.

Take responsibility

Marriage Counsellor Lady Gao says the first step is to acknowledge that you have a problem. She says it is important that you don’t shift the blame or come up with excuses.

“The first step is to accept that what I am doing is wrong and I want to get help,” says Lady Gao.

She says sometimes people who have cheated “justify why they are cheating”.

“They even go to an extent of blaming their partner instead of taking the responsibility,” says the counsellor.

This will not help you in any way. Lady Gao says it is important to own up to your mistakes.

“It is very important to find out why you are where you are,” says Marriage Counsellor, Thatayone Seleka.

“Sometimes cheating happens because I had conflict with my partner and somebody else stepped in to give me some form of comfort,” says Seleka.

“Sometimes it can be because we are not very creative as a family. We are not creating great memories together and there is a bit of boredom and then I end up stepping out,” he adds.

One other reason could be because of one’s background or what they were exposed to while growing up.

“One of the causes could be your background, if you are brought up by a father or mother who was a cheater,” says Seleka.

Lady Gao explains that sometimes people cheat because they are trying to address an emotional problem or lack thereof.

“Sometimes people cheat because they just want attention. So, what emotion are you trying to deal with?” says Lady Gao.

“As long as you don’t attend to those emotions or feelings, you will keep on cheating,” says Seleka.

The marriage counsellor says another common cause of cheating is when you enter into the relationship for wrong reasons, such as money, comfort or convenience, and then later meet someone you truly love and pursue a relationship with them.\

Seleka says understanding why you are cheating will help you target the root issue.

“So, I need to find out why I am doing what I’m doing so that I can give myself good reasons why I need to stop what I’m doing,” says the marriage counsellor.

Look at what is at stake

"Ask yourself what do you stand to lose if you continue with the cheating,” says Lady Gao.

"Compare between your marriage and the cheating, what is the best option , because they can’t co-exist. At a certain point, you will have to make-up your mind whether you are in or out. So, you need to sit down and decide which one really is a priority to you and make a choice,” advice Seleka.

Don’t lead yourself into temptation

“After accepting that you have a problem and have shown remorse, take yourself out of temptation” says Lady Gao.

She explains that this might mean stopping communication between the person who is a temptation to you and avoiding meeting up with them.

“Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position. Remove yourself from things that are going to take you back to where you don’t want to go,” says Lady Gao.

Get professional help

“Go get help from relationship coaches, therapists, marriage counsellors so that you can deal with the core because cheating is just an end result,” says the marriage counsellor.

Lastly, the two marriage counsellors say it is always important to remember the consequences of cheating.

“You can enjoy the pleasure of cheating for a while, but you are going to be caught at a certain point and it is going to destroy your relationship,” concludes Lady Gao.

Image courtesy of iStock/ @ AndreyPopov 

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