Crocodile tears: What to do when children fake cry

A child crying is like a blaring siren—moms come running before the first tear can even hit the floor. 

Kylie Jenner recently shared a video of how she handles her two children, Stormi (7) and Aire Websiter (3), 'fake crying'. 

The playful video showed just how easy it is for children to turn on the waterworks. 

"No, the crying, the fake crying is crazy,” Kylie teases. 

Both children are smiling in between 'tears', which in this case is an indication that it isn't something serious. They are clearly just pulling their mom's leg. 

But what should parents do when fake crying becomes a problem?

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Why do children fake cry?

Babies cry because they can't speak; it is the only way to express themselves. As they grow, they understand that when they cry, mom or dad comes running, which is not entirely bad. 

Once they reach the toddler or preschool age, things become a bit tricky. There are several reasons why kids fake cry. These include:

• Attention-seeking: They might not be feeling sad, but they know that crying will get them the attention they want, even if they just want a hug or kiss. 
• Testing boundaries: They want to see how you will react to certain things. 
• Experimenting with their feelings: They are learning how to understand their emotions and how they work. 
• Feeling powerless: When children can't express what they want to say or what they need, they cry in frustration. 

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What do the experts say?

While some parents think fake crying is a manipulation tactic, many experts say otherwise.  

"This is not manipulation. This is healthy brain development," Toddler Experts Big Little Feelings said in an Instagram post.

"Your toddler is exploring everything in their new world, constantly trying to see cause and effect (if I jump in a puddle, what happens? If I cry, what happens?) This is their JOB. It’s our job as parents to hold the loving boundary."

Regardless of why you think your child is fake crying, it is essential to hear them out. Children don't always know how to express their feelings, and crying seems to be a language adults understand—they need help, even if it is not related to pain, hunger to sadness. 

"Although your child’s tears are fake, the feelings that underlie these fake tears are real. Your child wants or needs the comfort that would come with real crying. He is doing something brilliant and adaptive: trying to act in a way that generally leads to comfort," Superpower Kids said on its website.

However, as kids get older, they can use fake crying as manipulation, but even then, you need to make an effort to understand the deeper issue. Don't brush off their 'crocodile tears', as neglecting the issue will only make it worse. 

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What should parents do?

1. Don't mock them

Some parents imitate their children's fake cries to get them to stop. While it does work in some cases, you should avoid mocking them. Take a deep breath and observe them for a moment. Try to figure out the real problem: Are they frustrated or hungry?

2. Ask questions

If you can't figure out why your child is fake crying, try asking them a few questions. This will also teach them how to express their feelings with words. 

3. Remain patient 

Toddlers and preschoolers are still figuring out their emotions, and even when asked, they might not be able to tell you exactly why they are crying. Maybe they just need a hug while they calm themselves down or figure out what they want to say. 

Don't lose your temper or walk away, as you want to help them regulate their emotions while they are younger and not leave it until they are rebellious teens. 

Disclaimer: Health-related information provided in this article is not a substitute for medical advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat health problems. It is always advisable to consult with your doctor on any health-related issues.

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