Are your kids ruining your marriage?

Are your kids ruining your marriage?

Children can change a marriage for better or worse.  

Mom with multiple kids

The dynamics of a relationship change when couples start having children.

Simple things like picking up your bag and going out for dinner take a lot more planning.

Your sex life changes, your daily routine changes, and the amount of time you dedicate to your husband or wife also takes a knock.

Don’t get us wrong, children add a lot of value to a relationship, but if you neglect your partner along the way it could spell major problems.

Raising children is a 24/7 job, so it is important that you find time to nurture your relationship.

Here are a few tips to help you make the adjustment from “just the two of us” to “you, me, and baby”.

Limit baby talk

When a couple has children, they tend to spend a lot of time talking about them. It’s good to be on the same page when it comes to parenting, so communication is key, but don’t let every conversation you have with your husband be about the children. 

‘Replacing’ your spouse with your kids

Some parents become so absorbed with their parental duties, they start to do more stuff with their children than their spouses. For instance, mom would rather watch a movie with the children than her husband, or dad prefers sharing how his day went with the kids rather than his wife.  So, be careful not to neglect the things you would usually do with your spouse.

Date nights

Being a mom, especially in the early years, takes up most of your time. By the end of the day you feel like a zombie in need of a good night’s rest, and do not feel in the mood to do anything else. But your husband probably has other things on his mind, while you can barely keep your eyes open.  Finding time to bond with your husband will be crucial for your marriage, because you probably will not get a good night’s sleep for a good few years. Your sex life will also change, as you will sometimes be worried about your kids walking in on you.  Date nights are a perfect way to spend some alone time with your partner. Get a babysitter to watch your children once a week or month – depending on your budget.  Avoid making date night or spending time with your husband a chore. Be spontaneous from time to time!

Good cop, bad cop

Communication is key for every relationship – especially parents. Make sure you are on the same page as your spouse when it comes to how you want your children to be raised. If not, you could find yourself arguing every day about the smallest things. Kids are smart, and can easily pick-up who is the soft parent. When one says “no”, they know which one will say “yes”.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Moms often feel like it is their responsibility to do it all, but it’s not an easy job and you will definitely need help. Ask your hubby to watch the kids so you can have a quick nap, so you can save your energy for later. Don’t feel guilty about sending the kids off to your parents for a few hours so you can have some alone time. Being a parent is hard work, and your sanity demands you take a break now and again.

 READ: How to help your child cope with failure

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