Confessions: I never imagined I'd have to watch my ex move on with my colleague
One Durbanite shares how she had to navigate the emotional roller coaster of watching her ex start a new relationship with her colleague.
The end of a relationship can be one of life’s most painful experiences.
Whether the relationship ended on good terms or ended in heartbreak, moving on can be emotionally draining. For some, healing comes quickly, while for others, it takes months or even years to fully process the loss of a person they once imagined spending their future with.
While many people eventually come to terms with an ex-partner moving on, the situation can become far more complicated when that new relationship involves someone within your own circle. It can be a friend, a neighbour, a family acquaintance, or, as one Durban woman recently discovered, a colleague.
This is the story of a Durban woman who recently reached out to Stacey and J Sbu to share her experience. The woman says she never imagined she would one day have to watch her ex-partner move on with a colleague.
Having to see the relationship up close
One of the biggest challenges she faced was knowing that she could not simply avoid the situation.
The office is where many people spend a significant portion of their lives. Colleagues often become friends, trusted confidants, and important parts of our daily routines. Because of this, their choices and actions can sometimes have a direct impact on our emotional well-being.
Anonymous says learning that her ex had started a relationship with a colleague was difficult to accept. While breakups are painful on their own, having to regularly see or hear about a new relationship unfolding within the same work environment made the healing process even more challenging.
For many people, distance can help after a breakup. But when the people involved remain part of your daily environment, finding that distance can feel nearly impossible.
Feeling like the last person to know
Over time, partners become connected to each other’s families and special moments. It is not uncommon for strong bonds to form between a person and their partner’s relatives.
This is why it can be incredibly painful to realise that the same people who once welcomed you into their lives, now has someone else in your place.
What made the situation even more painful for Anonymous was discovering that her ex-partner’s family had already embraced the new relationship.
According to her, members of his family were aware of the relationship and appeared supportive of it while she was still trying to come to terms with the breakup.
Anonymous admits that seeing how quickly everyone appeared to move forward left her feeling hurt and forgotten.
The pain of questioning your worth
Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of a breakup is dealing with the questions that often follow.
Many people find themselves wondering what went wrong. They question whether they could have done something differently or whether they were somehow not enough.
Anonymous says that although she understands her ex has the right to move on, the situation still caused her to question her worth.
For many individuals, healing requires learning that another person’s decision does not define who they are.
Feeling like nobody considered her feelings
Another aspect of the situation that weighed heavily on Anonymous was the feeling that nobody had considered how the relationship would affect her.
She says she felt that both her ex-partner and her colleague were focused on their own happiness without considering the emotional impact their relationship might have on her.
While people have every right to pursue relationships and make decisions about their own lives, it is understandable that someone in Anonymous’s position might wish for a little more sensitivity, particularly when everyone involved shares the same professional space.
Choosing healing over bitterness
Despite the pain, Anonymous says she has reached a point where she is choosing herself.
Although accepting the situation was not easy, she has decided to focus on healing rather than holding onto anger or resentment.
She admits there are still difficult days, but she is learning that closure does not always come from an apology, an explanation, or a conversation that ties everything together neatly.
Sometimes closure comes from accepting the reality, recognising people’s choices for what they are, and allowing yourself to move forward.
One of the biggest lessons she has taken from the experience is that healing is not about getting answers from other people. Instead, it is about finding peace within yourself and choosing not to allow someone else’s decisions to determine your happiness.
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