Eskom announces end to load shedding!
South Africans have united on social media and other platforms during the past few weeks, with the common ground being frustration at power utility, Eskom. However, we might have some great news.
Eskom has implemented various stages of what it calls ‘load shedding’ (power failures / blackouts) as the power giant fails dismally at its one task: electricity.
The blackouts have severely affected the economy too, with some experts predicting a complete meltdown.
However, excellent news emerged at a candle-lit press conference in Johannesburg this morning, headed by Eskom CEO Tshediso Matona.
“We have finally reached a plausible solution for the darkness, but we need all South Africans to be prepared to assist Eskom in resolving this crisis,” said Matona.
“We need all South Africans to put their hands in the air for at least 30 minutes per day. Many hands make light work,” he said.
“The obvious solution came to me while I was reading my 9-year-old son’s English text book last night, and I am eager to put it to the test. If we can get the lights to work, it’s a good place to start,” said Matona.
Matona said Eskom administration staff were already working on a table, much the same as the document for load shedding, putting areas into blocks.
People living in different areas would need to put their hands in the air at different times of the day, for 30 minutes at a time.
“We don’t like to put all our eggs into one basket, and we understand absence makes the heart grow fonder, but we need all hands on deck, and at the end of the day, we don’t want to be back at the drawing board, back at square one,” Matona said as he concluded the press conference.
Matona, who only took home just short of R16-million last year, was wearing a suit he had previously worn at an earlier press conference.
“I don’t like wearing the same clothes twice, but when the country is in crisis, and I only manage around R15-million per year, I also need to make sacrifices. At Eskom, we call it solidarity,” said Matona.
Please keep an eye on your local press for details of when to put your hands in the air.
Please note: The above is not true. It is a satirical piece, which originally appeared on Rory's website, #newsbyrory.