Darren Maule’s list of what he’s looking for in a woman

Darren Maule: "Are you my perfect date?"

After all the responses from KZN, I have put together a short list of what I'm looking for in a woman.

Great Moscow Circus: Darren Maule the Ringmaster!

Listen to the podcast below or read the details below: 

While I am really happy being single (as mentioned on Thursday), if I were to start looking for a partner, they would need to meet quite a few requirements.

This is my short list: 

Age: 30-50

Physical status: Must be tall and relatively slender. Hands must be petite, soft, and well maintained.

Hair colour: Not applicable, but must be tidy and natural.

Body grooming: Culture specific but hygienic.

Piercings: No issues here... just not the tongue (okay, maybe the tongue).

Skin colour: Not applicable.

Eye colour: Not applicable.

Lips: Not applicable.

Buttocks: Must be peach shaped.

Feet: Well maintained. No ultra-high heels. No stinky.

Mental Status: Must-have an IQ of over 108. Must be able to manage their behaviour idiosyncrasies and medication in relation to mood and hormonal status.

MUST NOT LIE TO ME - EVER: Refer to appendix 1 - deceit and manipulation will result in immediate termination of relations.


- Must be comfortable with being alone for long stretches.

- Must never interrupt crucial sporting events, namely: Formula One, Super Rugby, international rugby cricket or soccer matches, ALL Tennis Majors including French, US, British, Australian and ATP Finals, world title fights from welterweight through to heavyweight in WBA, WBO, WBC, and IBF.


- We may socialise together or apart but must keep appointments and never be late.

- Must be willing to travel on a whim to any of the places visited by Ernest Hemingway. 


- Must have watched and enjoyed all of the movies and books listed below:


Empire magazines top 100 movies ever.


New York Times: Best 100 books of all time.

Religion: None

Philosophy: Does not have to be an expert but should at least be able to discern between Socrates and Sartre.

*1 lying and deceitful behaviour will result in immediate termination of intimate and platonic relations and offending party will promptly return victims life to status prior to coupling.

Do you think I will be able to find a suitable match?

READ: The reasons why Darren Maule chooses to be single

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